4 months. Seems longer.

Ever feel like you want to be selfish?

Today I had one of those days. (Thank goodness I have learned to not be completely selfish on those days otherwise I might not have a job and my husband wouldn't like me much.)

Today I felt like I wanted everyone to know that it has been 4 months since I had a baby. My body is healing, but supposedly not as fast as I want it to. My heart most days is good about it. But I do find that there are selfish days like today where I don't want to think about the reasons why my baby couldn't stay on earth. My rational mind knows that she had severe health concerns and that she is better off where she is. I know that her coming affected many lives and gave Byron and I the opportunity to tell many people about our understanding of Heavenly Father's Plan of Salvation. But that just doesn't do anything for my heart on a selfish day like today, because those are good things for other people, but not for me.

I know I have things to learn from this experience and I'm sure patience through suffering is one of them. I tell my heart over and over to learn the lessons quicker and better so that I won't have to hurt anymore. But I think that is what feels nice is the hurt.

Exactly 4 months ago I had a baby girl. I held her and sang to her. Then I had to say goodbye for a long while.
I needed to tell you that.
Thanks for listening, Blog World.